Are They Ghosting or Just a Bad Texter? A Therapist’s Perspective

In today’s digital world, texting plays a major role in dating and relationships. But what happens when someone you’re interested in takes hours—or even days—to respond? Are they ghosting you, or are they simply a bad texter? As a therapist, I’ve seen many people struggle with this question, and the answer isn’t always black and white.

Understanding the Difference

At its core, ghosting is a complete and intentional withdrawal from communication. A bad texter, on the other hand, may still be interested but struggles with consistent digital communication. Let’s break it down further.

Signs They’re Ghosting You

1. They Suddenly Stop Responding (and Never Resume)
   If they used to text back promptly but now ignore your messages entirely, this is a classic sign of ghosting.

2. They Leave You on Read Repeatedly
   One missed text isn’t a big deal. But if they consistently read your messages and never reply, they may be intentionally phasing you out.

3. They Make No Effort to Reschedule
   If they cancel plans and don’t try to set a new date, it’s likely they’re avoiding the relationship altogether.

4. They Only Engage When It’s Convenient for Them
   If they pop back into your life randomly after ignoring you for days or weeks, they might be breadcrumbing—keeping you as an option without real investment.

5. You Feel Confused or Unimportant
   If you’re left constantly questioning where you stand, that’s a strong indication that they aren’t prioritizing you.

Signs They’re Just a Bad Texter

1. They Still Make Time for You in Person
   Someone who is genuinely interested but struggles with texting will make an effort to see you in real life.

2. They Apologize for Late Replies and Try to Explain
   A bad texter might say, “Sorry, I’m terrible at responding,” or, “I got caught up at work.” Ghosters usually don’t explain their silence.

3. They Engage When They Do Respond
   Even if they take a while to reply, a bad texter will send thoughtful or enthusiastic responses instead of one-word replies.

4. They Show Interest in Other Ways
   Do they call instead of text? Do they comment on your social media? A bad texter might communicate differently rather than disappearing entirely.

5. They Are Consistent, Just Slow
   Some people naturally take longer to respond, but if their behavior is steady (even if it’s slow), they likely aren’t ghosting.

What Should You Do?

If you’re feeling unsure, the best thing to do is communicate openly. You can say something like:

🗣 “Hey, I’ve noticed our texting patterns are a little different. I don’t expect instant replies, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

If they care about you, they’ll acknowledge it and make an effort. If they brush you off or disappear, you have your answer.

At the end of the day, someone who wants to be in your life will show it—whether through texts, calls, or actions. Instead of overanalyzing, pay attention to how they make you feel. If you’re constantly second-guessing, it might be time to move on.

Final Thoughts

Texting habits vary from person to person, but real connections don’t leave you guessing. If someone’s inconsistency is making you anxious, that’s reason enough to reevaluate whether they’re right for you. Relationships should feel secure, not like a puzzle you have to solve.

Have you ever struggled to tell the difference between ghosting and bad texting? Let’s talk in the comments! 💬